Who wins in an argument?

When you are in the middle of a debate, what results do you want from the conversation? YOU WANT TO WIN! Quite natural, isn't it? You just want to outspeak your opponent and make him admit you are right.

Remember last time you talked to your wife about any controversial issue you both care about?Started as a simple notion of facts, that talk could quickly grow into a heated debate. Once emotions came in, you both had only one goal for this conversation: TO WIN. Again, this is quite natural to most of us. When we feel vulnerable or violated, we start attacking in response.

And what does it mean to the conversation? It means that it will lead to no result and you will have to start this same conversation again. Well, unless the other person now hates you and is never going to speak to you again.

So who won that argument? Of course you did! You yelled, scared and insulted your opponent, and now he took your side and admitted you won this fight. You dominated the conversation and forced your opponent to accept your opinion.

But thinking about the real goals for the conversation, NOBODY won it. What is the value if only one side had the chance to speak? Zero.

The conversation is a tool for 2 people to create something new. If nothing new has been created, the conversation was useless. You think you're a winner, but in fact you lost. Well, you both lost so it's a draw.

So the lesson is:

Who wins in an argument? NOT the one who talked more. But the one who listen carefully to the other guy.